The Color of Stupid

So in  my quest to find the cheapest, best-looking ways to decorate and furnish what is soon to be our new home, I've fallen hard for a local chain of stores called Menard's. Great selection, great prices, but not so great with the marketing apparently.

Perusing their brand of paint chip colors, I was surprised to learn that certain things do indeed have colors. For example, "Global Warming."  According to the paint splosh on the strip, the color of "Global Warming" is an ominous mix of rust, terra cotta, and brown. 

And "Suspicious Love?" The color of "Suspicious Love" looks like moldy pink, which, come to think of it, makes a lot of sense.

But still... do you want to be in a room surrounded by a paint color called, "Overwhelmed" or "Dark Abyss?" 

Some other names that gave me pause were ""Washed Up," "Lonely," "Camel Hair," "Orange Dibble," and "Crabmeat." Honestly, "Crabmeat?!"

Being the helpful person that I am, I'd like to offer up these colors to the paint namers at Menards. How about "Egregious Green" or "Bunghole Burgundy?" Why not go for the gusto and come up with a shade for "Full-Blown Depression?" Just consider the color "Smegma!" (And I'd keep that exclamation point, too. It's like the color and feel of an off-off-off-off-off-off-off-off Broadway show's bathroom.)

I could keep going. Alliteration makes me giddy. But I've got to go read the kids a chapter of Heidi. Another subject for another post.